Welcome to Citation Needed!

Out here in the fields, I fought for my meals/I put my tail into my living/I don’t need to bite to prove I’m slight/All my knees are pre-forbidden yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

This, my friends, is a ‘sub’, as in ‘substitution’. I learned it in high school, where we were given famous poems and told to sub in our own words while keeping the structure of the poem intact. I have some kind of mental proclivity where I can’t hear a song without subbing it. I do it all the time. In fact, you might know one of my more famous subs from Twitter, where I once subbed ‘We Will Rock You’:

*boomboom CLAP

*boomboom CLAP

Buddy you're a dog/You're a Good Dog/Begging for some treats/Gonna be an Old Dog someday/You got mud on your face/All over the place/Digging in the garden man it's such a disgrace/WE WILL WE WILL WALK YOU

… and also various iterations on The Little Mermaid’s ‘Part of Your World’, if you’ve been following me long enough. (Incidentally, I refuse to call it ‘X’. It’s Twitter. In my head, in fact, it’s Twitta, and all my followers are Twittuz. Thus it shall ever be.)

And now a full four paragraphs into this thing, welcome! This is my newsletter. My new sletter. My Irish Setter. My Yellow Ledbetter. This is where I’ll be keeping my stupid thoughts and ideas, instead of casting them upon the open waters of social media, because who the hell knows what’ll happen to them there? Newsletters, though, they’re eternal.

Thank you for giving this a chance. I’ll do my damnedest to stick to a regular release cadence, because my understanding of how these things work is that you need your readership to know when to expect content, or you’ll lose them. I learned this the hard way with past ventures like the two different podcasts I tried to start and the up-in-the-air status of comicsbreakdown.com, my lovely site that not a lot of people 1) read, or even 2) know about. This port in the storm will be my… let’s not call it a ‘last ditch’ attempt at reaching a wider audience, because Yog knows I’m a dumb enough dog to keep trying and trying in the face of both adversity and widespread indifference. I’m like a content shark: I must keep producing or I’ll die. I’ll simply DIE.

I’m keeping this first salvo short while I consider what kinds of sections to put in this thing that I can commit to on a regular basis. You can probably expect book/tv/movie reviews, a What I’m Reading bit, and usually some kind of rant because that’s the lingua franca of the internet.

And what would make me happiest outside of getting treats? If you’d spread the word! Send someone a link to this shrewsgetter and help me grow this thing. I want the hearts and minds of millions! GIVE ME THE HEARTS AND MINDS OF MILLIONS!

Peace out. War in.

And now, your reality check: It’s Something About You, Girl